Don’t believe in your belief

What if you don't understand what is life doing to you? What if that you think right whole of your life suddenly become wrong? Have you ever realized that there is enough confusion about the right and wrongs for everyone? Belief we all believe in, is the major scoundrel for us. Don't believe your belief. Don't do what you believe. How do we develop the belief? What is belief to us? Society, family, friends, culture, religion and similar others are the sources for us to formulate the idea of belief. Small things suggested by your parents, the hairstyle your brother helped you to do, the clothes your sisters think are the best for you and sharing you have with your dear friends are the things that you derive your faith from. You are accustomed to the direction of your parents and can't do anything extraordinary even though you are more than curious to know what if you do that is not allowed. You are accustomed to the hairstyle suggested even if you are dying to try new one, similar to clothes from sisters and suggestion by friends. All these help us to form a faith, develop a notion of right and wrong.

Suddenly, you come out to a bigger world. A world with many people having many notions and with greys instead of black and whites. What you were thinking right all these years suddenly seems wrong and the things you are afraid of became your dearest. You are acquainted with that someone special, so irresistible, with whom everything is right. That special, changes the notion of your belief and changes the fashion of your brother and styles of your sister and even suggestion of your parents too. Now that is a belief for you. A new and trendy belief to you, becomes the contradictions and rebelling. Work starts simultaneously and the belief you set just before it destroyed in a minute. Legacy cannot be left yet there are many more blacks and whites in your life. Choosing the black at this point of time will come against the white of your past. What will you do? Yes! there is new understanding. All these times what you think belief, is not, it's your character, that changes with the surroundings you create. So don't believe what you think as belief. That may be skeptical.

U, ME and ……………….DREAMS

Dreams unlimited are very hard to fulfill. Yet, U and ME tried our best to make whole things look easy. Our dreams look alike, fact lie on the same ground and have quite similar surroundings at present.
Ongoing buzzing conversation of couples, children playing around in full fun, grannies tanning their bodies in November sun and foreigners enjoying the well carved beauty of age old Rana structure welcomed U and ME, just when WE enter the premises. Turbulence inside my head was not in my face, I guess, and if something was there, I, at my best, tried to hide. Peaceful environment, carvings in the wall, rectangular lawns, natural green grass waiting to be walked, soft dripping sound of water, old cold side of the garden and hot, hot discussion between U and ME was making everything a perfect ……….. Dreams.
I watched U, and watched U and watched U again. Light blue, dark black and fresh white combination was luring and everything was so soothing. Wish that would never end and wish that will come again. My mind was numb and surely thinking so many things at same point of time. Wanted to be very polite but compelled by the nature, has to confess many things. Though they are the sweet confession and I am becoming proud that U made me confess. I regard U as a true genius and surely the simplicity and the straightforwardness are icing on the cake of UR personality. I liked UR working spirit and have split out the dissatisfaction I have in my mind.
I don’t know what U were thinking. Could not get any hint. Everything talked and shared was like a usual conversation. It was like we have been sharing things. Could the sharing be up to the formation of dreams? I wonder.
Thanks for the day and hope to have so many of them. : )

अलि अलि ............

Emotions are running and ripping me from inside. This has to be the way my life has been scheduled by the boss up above in the sky. If got a chance, surely there are many questions to be asked to that super body. Seems everything is lost. Weather changes and the feet out of the bed in early morning fog started to bite me. Frost in the ground is challenging not to go to him for early walk. People started to look heavy and the glass of hot tea is becoming favourite to all. Alas winter is here but the coldness in my heart is as there as ever. When am I gonna be the same me which I used to be? I miss me, really. Lights are not enough for me as I see black everywhere. Could not see the openings anywhere, rivers are running slowly, time is moving fast and certainly I am becoming dead slowly.
Slow is the wind and dim is the sunlight. Loneliness is becoming my dear friend and miss it whenever there are people. Aim, goals, objectives, achievement, ambition, life are the distant and rhetoric words for me. They don’t have meanings anymore and are mere words with arrangements of syllables. I wish to complete this span of life as quickly as possible. Quick timings will lead me to a new life with new beginnings and surely I will be ready for that life when there will be no mistakes to start with. That will be right and best life. Hoping my life to be kick-started real soon.
These words are quite near to me now a days and the meaning it portrays touches my heart. They surely have different meanings to various people but the way I listen to that may be the reason I like this so much.

कुछ कम् रोशन है रोशनी

कुछ कम् गिली है बारीसे

कुछ कम् लेहराती है हवा

कुछ कम् है दिल मे ख्वाइसे

Compulsive Inspiration

Do you know how compulsive situations are some time? The compulsion to write a blog post was disturbing me for quite some time. I know this is not an emergency and I again know that there is no one to read these posts. Still the feeling haunts me and disturbed me in my regular activities. It becomes very important to me as I visualize it as my weakness. My urge to win the odds suffered me much this was a sequel to that. But I really lack required words and sometimes and numb in my mind could not let me write anything. Right words are not coming in my mind and everything I wrote is the different arrangement of the same old small bags full of same old words. The word game is making me lose my destiny. I don’t want to be defeated at any cost. This compulsion would have killed me but a lifeline was found.

It was that unknown inspiration I was obsessed of. It is unknown to me yet I am so closed to it. That is very far and not related to me but I found similar feelings in there. The words and situation portray there makes me feel myself. I compared myself with that and each moment I spend, it energizes me. Don't know why it inspires me but the credit to create a blog and write in here came from that. Thank you so much to make me win against my odds again. Thanks very much for re-inspiring me and I hope I will have new and fresh start real soon.

I am pretty sure that it will be right in-front of me whenever I am feeling lonely.

Rock ON......

Once again I am not tolerating all these.I am frustrated with the way my life is going and is quite angry with myself.There is a big question mark to every thing I do and every proposal I think of.I am surprised why it happens every time to me?It is something like a recurring dream.Trying so hard to come out of that frustration and yet that same feeling looming over me like black cloud sucking my life out is suffocating .

What next?What is there to be done?As far as my concern, I think I have done my best in the previous attempts.But as of now, I am noticing that my approach to the work and future projects are not level the par and I am really not satisfied with that at all.What is stopping me?Why am I lethargic to that all?These are the questions that are haunting me these days.Being in bed with empty mind and nothing to think except your future is nightmare for anyone and worst of all, I am experiencing that.

What are we striving toward and what are we achieving at last are the questions that has to be answered to me real soon.Its worthless to think about unachievable but what to do if your mind pushes you toward that unachievable dreams?Is it some kind of mind game that is boggling the nerve centers of my small brain?There are many unanswered questions inside me and I wonder how all these billions of people are coping with it.Is it nothing for them or are they pretending not to know any of these?

BUT a big but is there inside me which tells me that hope is always there and the instability in this head has to be solved by hard working in any of the subjects you think is best to involve.It may sound funny to others but I have enjoyed the tensions earlier because I feel that they bring best out of me.Being optimistic about my mind sucking tensions, I think they are leading me to my new heights of success.

So wait for meI am coming............ Will you?? where are you?

But still ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not an Ad:Sano Sansar

This is confidential and I want to make sure that this is not an ad for the most awaited and most anticipated Nepali film of the Year.This is my view and anyone can have reservation to this.But like it or not"Sano Sansar" is creating quite a buzz around the capital and everyone are looking forward to this movie.

People who think that Nepali film can't be great and they require many years to level world forum are waiting this movie to add solid example to their point.On the other hand people with a view that Nepali Film industry has chance in near future among woovy groovy kathmanduites are taking this as a chance.No matter what they think, we as a layman ,are quite sure that Sano Sansar is going to release and this is something different in its look.

Promos and kind of advertisement it is pursuing is quite exciting and is seem capable to draw many viewers in cinema hall.Its quite interesting that it is a Nepali film without Rajesh Hamal.One name that is responsible for the popularity of this film even before its release is of course Alok Nembang,director of the film.I am waiting to see the directorial debut of the crafty music video director and his metamorphosis as film director would be another storyline in other director's mind.

Though I don't know the exact storyline of the film but there are rumours of it being a copy of Korean movie.No matter what the storyline and copying story of another film is an issue to be discussed in another sitting but the Nepali touch to that story is what I am hoping to see in this movie.

I hope it to be great but i don't what's in store.

Compromise

Turn your head and recall the days at school, fun at college and just rediscover the labour you have done for the exams.Apart from all of these do you recall any moments in the past? I do.I remember all the compromises i had to make.

I went to school in my nursery though it was fun to play marble in the dusty trail of my village.It was a treacherous act to study hard despite seeing lush green paddy field and kites all over the sky during Dashain.It was disappointing to see a most beautiful girl of the college smiling at me secretly and I as per the practicality had to go other way round, believe me, just to make all of my friends unaware about the incident.That was a torture since I wish to climb up the wall adjoining college classroom and yelled to whole college that she smiled for me.Only for me.

Compromising to go abroad to make others happy and mocking about the incident is also the thing of past.There are many incidents where i feel suffocated and wanted to throw a veil of my personality to be a free man.

Having a job and becoming a grown up man is not so easy, as I feel these days.You have many more responsibilities and you wait for a gathering of friends.Your heart wants to have a party but to show off others you are busy attending a marriage ceremony.You wish to have a glass of cold drinks and enjoy the television Saturday noon but you are programmed to attend a meeting.Can't we enjoy our life on our own?Can't there be a world where there is no competition?Can't we create a society where you don't have to pretend anything?

When you see a death of someone then you realize an eternal truth.What are you trying to achieve through this life?When I watch a dead body ready for a cremation then my heart said that we are helpless and cannot do anything on our own.That is also a compromise and we do with god.We can't withstand a competition in this world and surrender to the lord.I feel that all success and achievement we are witnessing for our immortality is a dream and we will wake up this dream after our death.

There is yet another compromise in our life and that is most important.That is of love.Being married and promising to remain with one another is also a compromise performed by everyone trying to avoid the mortality.But that is not sufficient. Love without commitment is great.But I know it cannot happen.

Compromise is there to made.

जाने तू या जाने ना FOR U

कही तो कही तो
होगी वो
दुनियाँ जहा तु मेरे साथ है

जहाँ मै जहाँ तु
और जहाँ बस तेरे मेरे जज्बात है
होगी जहाँ सुबह तेरी
पलको कि किरण मै
लोरी जहाँ चाँदकी
सुने तेरी बाहो मै
जाने न कहाँ वो दुनियाँ है
जाने न वो है भी या नही
जहाँ मेरी जीन्दगी मुझ्से
इत्नी खफा नही

सासे खो गयी है किस्की आहोँमै
मै खो गयी हुँ जाने किस्की बाहो मै
मन्जिलोसे राहे ढुडती चली
और खो गयी है मन्जिल कही राहो मै
कही तो कही तो है नसा
तेरी मेरी हर मुलाकात मै
होठोसे होठोको
चुमती और रहेते है हम हर बात पे
कहती है फिजा जहाँ

तेरी जमीन आसमान
जहाँ है तु
मेरी हसी मेरी खुशी
मेरी जान

जाने न कहाँ वो दुनियाँ है
जाने न वो है भी या नही
जहाँ मेरी जीन्दगी मुझ्से
इत्नी खफा नही

SAARC in my camera

Though i am not a photo journalist by profession, camera in my bag didn't want to remain silent in my every visit.Fulfilling its demand i attempted photography and these are truly amateur photos.Still the sentiment emotion and time graph attached to these will surely hold you in this blog for a minute.Hope you will enjoy these.

Colombo dead silent at night of SAARC


Yes there are many Adhikaris in Sri Lanka.


Hospitality in there.What to say?Ask him


Yes they were also there


He is the backbone of Nepal Embassy in Sri Lanka Mr Suresh Adhikari.Thank you


Will this group photo shoot will do good for us?


I know Nabraj Dai is good reporter and he is at his best at this photo.


Still busy righting ignoring others eventhough they can understand Nepali


I know Prabhath you are cool as cucumber.But what is Shukla bro doing?

My days here

SAARC summit is ongoing and there are many other events that are being organized apart from the summit. All the events are great and will be instrumental to foster people to people connectivity. Connection at this level is as important as the summit meeting. Cultural program organized by Ministry of Tourism Sri Lanka was the event of the day for me as the astonishing and mind boggling performance by the artist of national fame sparked the hall. Songs and dance were unbelievable and the people around seems enjoying that very much. Event was great as there were journalists and media delegates from all the countries and it aids me to imagine the situation after our leaders will finally decide for the common south Asian union. Late night party and the meeting in day was as refreshing as to have a cup of hot coffee sitting inside the room in a rainy day of Kathmandu. There are glimpse of photos from the event. Enjoy

Sorry Friends

sorry all.I am too bg these days. I am not joking and not making fond of government activities but its true that i am repeating things as much that if anyone starts to run from kathmandu he will reach Delhi but my list of invitees for a function will not end.

My worry of not having work in the office is over and want a long break real soon.Last week was the hectiest week.Just of think of poor me without petrol in the old rustic tank of age old motorcycle, compelled to commute in a bus.By the way do you know that there are only half of the buses plying in the street of kathmandu?If you are returning home after seven in the evening then you should be prepared to walk.That is too in the middle of the road as there are only motorcycles in the street which are less injurious to health in comparison to oil tankers.

So i am busy friends and don't have time to write in here.Hope you all are well and reading my week old "Are you there?"

I know u are there as i score century in my free hit counter and help me to achieve a thousand run.I will try my best as always?

Are You There???

I am so pessimistic these days not beacuse of the unknown factors.Tension starts as early as you are in bed.Crushing sound of juggernauts in the street right below the window, early morning chat of workers preparing for the long awaitaed house works and the sarcastic comment of the early morning walkers disturb my sweet morning dream.But the irony is , my sweet dream is not similar to that of others.In fact the dream ghost starts to chase me whenever i have that dream.If asked to a religious person, they may declare it as an effect of planets.Quizzical enough, I too sometimes, these days is quite interesting about the planet signs though it was not me genre of thinking before.

So the tension props in my tea time as well.ADSL connection, like the bulbs in night bar, is never sure to be hosted, make me curse my decision to be a member of the service.

Now comes the traffic in the road.Oh god that's the worst part and the hell in earth.Long cue of motors, impatient bikers, dust in the road, maintenace work continuing in side by footpath,people marching in the middle of the street, shrilling horn of large buses and a traffice police amidst all this, is throwing his life out to manage the impossible.

Any how the entry in the office in this mood won't do any good to the fellow workers, senior and juniors.Lack of work in the office and overdose sometimes makes me drizzy.Phone calls by friend to meet after the office, is rare these days since there is no one around.All are busy with their stuffs and there is no alternative other than to go home straight away,

Sitting alone in home watching some melodramatic reality show and the much hyped nepali media won't do good for the empty mind unable to think anything.

Oh god is this life?i dont like it at all.There's no one to talk .Are you there to talk to?

I Miss You

I am not feeling well.Unknown, alien, drizzy and many others adjectives that goes in line with some that have here mentioned are haunting me.Is this normal to be abnormal without any reason.I have completed my exams recently.May be this a reason behind my obsession with these lonely adjectives.It might be because of the insecurity of anxiety.Does this mean something?Is it leading me to something?I am sure not.

Well i,sort of,have certain desirable future ahead and everyone think my present is absolutely fine.But i am not comfortable with all i have, all i am doing and all i am thinking right now.It doesnot seem right and thats what i am trying to say, this is not right but, whatever.

What to do next?There are many options and there are many ways.My behaviour to neglect the things with me and going behind the mirage is doing nothing right, in spite of torturing me.But i am sure at one thing.I miss you

जाने तु या जाने ना

Story of a young love, tranquilizing the light of love and the love in a friendship" as shown in jaane tu.........I watched it yesterday and this is the movie which i enjoyed thoroughly for 2 and half hrs after a long period of time.Though not a movie buff but i like to watch them occasionally.Its easy watching when they share light hearted comedy and romance, a lil bit.Hindi movies are not that special regarding romance as the only way they show it, is through a dance of half naked girl.This is different and i love the plot and script.Its not a special scene movie but shows an importance of total movie, excelling in every department.

Friendship and love in real life also is very hard to differentiate.As some old saying, guy and a girl can never be a friend, there's always love in the best of friendships.I wonder is it true?I think this is true coz love is something that you can experience after knowing someone from head to toe and friendship is the way for that.Even in the group of friends, you have that someone special, guy or girl, to whom you care about more than others.That is special and that is love.Since cupid is there all time watching you and sharing everything in the friendship does have a chance to fall in love.

So don't hide it.It's always there.and you know that but everyone is avoiding it.

What am i writing?i know its worthless but who cares this is mine and i am writing what i am thinking?

Now What????????????????

and what's next?i am fed up with politics all around.what to do next?it is haunting me more that twice a second.Exam has just completed and i now can say that the pressure exam creates is not that easy to defeat.Each second of exam approaching near you is the worst moment to think about.But the last question you solved in the last day is the moment you and only you deserve to cherish.I don't damn care about the result and i am happy about the fact that i prepare for an exam even i was in a position to not take that.That was a choice and i accepted the challenge that was put forward by inner me.

What else?i am surfing the net and now is thinking of another exam again.It is not letting me go as there is no life without exam and i know it will be more hectic than this one.I know i will take the challenge and prepare for that also.It will take my breath away and squeeze my brain like a lemon done by the roadside vendor.still i will do that coz there's my GOAL.other side of the exam

What's in your mind?

All the problems seem to have solved after the government signed an agreement with agitating terai leaders. Protest led by three of the Madhesi party has been stopped. People all over the country are happy. But things did not seem that much bright as we all had expected. Capital dwellers from kathmandu forgot that the petroleum product shortage was not only due to the Terai bandh, rather the inefficiency of NOC and the bulk of amount that is due to IOC creates the major problem. Slowly people are remembering that there was shortage of petro products even before the terai agitation. But thinking positively, there are comparatively short lines in the petrol station and we have to wait just 2-3 hrs compared to that of 6-7 hours. It is improvement since we are used to it and the defensive mentality of we people is praiseworthy.
Let's not talk about the petro issue again as the environment in the country is eclectic these days due to upcoming election. All the parties in the country are taking part in this "MAHACHUNAB". But there is threat from Jwala Singh, Goit and the king's man, who with their full effort try to disturb the election. One thing is clear if we want to do something and if we want to see something happening this is the right thing and right time to do it.CA election will foster the environment of stability. A stable governance system with committed leaders is the prerequisite of prosperous Nepal. It is inevitable that change will take place but as a change agent we have to initiate that. I know we have to do what is required but have you think of leaders and parties that are contesting in the election. They all are opportunist bunch of guys with the mind of making money all the time. They have ruined the country for 17 years and made a fuss out of their governance. None of the government after the establishment of democracy in the nineties has done something noteworthy for the people and country.
Recently CIAA cleared the allegation most of the people who are convicted of corruption along with GP Koirala. Despite all this we have to vote and choose better among the worst. There are no other options but to give them another term of governance. Instead we have to make them responsible casting some unique votes which means giving one party a landslide victory.
Which of the party will be lucky enough to have that fortune? Let's analyze what are the pros and cons
Nepali Congress: Oldest party of the country and the party with the history of maximum number of tenure years. They are the radical cadres in the leadership of BP Koirala and still the major party for the upcoming polls. They are the probable winners this time also since they have got their organizational branch all over the country and the votes will be casted on the basis of legacy not because of their commitments. Girija Prasad Koirala is a leader and all the other are 50+ grannies. They don't have courage to transfer the power to the younger that are more prone the feeling of nationality than the Bihar born ageing leaders of NC. They will most probably win the major share of votes but there is doubt in the minds of leaders as their leaders, recently joined the terai parties with number of cadres.

CPN UML: Relatively younger but with major influence over working class but became favorite of capitalists lately, CPN UML is looking to consolidate its position in the upcoming election. This party has been in government twice and most of the time acted as an opposition in the parliament. With a communist banner and the relatively capitalist approach this is the party to watch out as it blends the communism with capitalism. It seems to be modern, trendy and contemporary among others. Still it was also involved in the corruption while practicing democracy in the country. madhav Nepal relatively clean figure than other leaders is criticized for his dubious nature and incapability while taking decisions. There are much bright young leaders in the party but are not noteworthy since edge of their Marxism knowledge is not wooing public lately. Major problem of this party is the emergence of more radical, more vocal and more communist party, i.e. CPN Maoist. Let's see what the offerings for UML would be in the upcoming election.

CPN (Maoist): Youngest of the lot, will be tested in the upcoming election since it has not fought a battle of ballots till now. Forced and conquered the present position in the parliament through bullets, it is trying to make adjustments lately. More radical and vocal communism hang cadres are major strength of the party and the background of armed conflict besides them can be regarded their drawbacks.
They are most sought after party among the lot and are hoped to do better in the future. They will edit the vote of UML since the ideology of both parties collides with each other in the poll. Maoists will be in the eyes of public because everything they are doing is fresh and people hope to see modern Nepal in the hand of Maoists in some point of time. But the major question is, is that right time now? There is enough confusion.
All three parties and the madhesis will contest in the election. Who will win is the mystery? Who will you cast your vote for? Think about the country, think about the future and as I said choose the best out of the worst. Think of modern Nepal don't go for legacy. That's all I can say.

Life in a Metro........................

Starting a day with a scarcity of milk in the nearby shop is the fate of common kathmanduites these days.As i am lazy as always it wont affect me much but the college people and others are tremenduosly tortured by this early scarcity.
The scene of Kathmandu these days is just like the ravaged nation after the terrible war.Nothing is easygoing.Everyone seems to be calm and coping with the situation quite nicely but the sense of frustration among the city dwellers terrorized me.This frustration a week more, can spark a serious anarchism in the city.
Shortage of gas,long cue of petrol and diesels, scolding each other for a litre of petrol,long night of taxi drivers inside there vehicles,alternative method of petro product distribution are some of the frustrating parts city dwellers are facing now a days.
I am quite surprised by the resilience of Nepali people.I dont know whether they are accustomed to these hardships or are accepting this hoping for something to happen.Its really surprising.
Finally there's a news of agreement between government and coalition of Madhes parties and i, along with others,am hoping for the normalization of this scarcity in the city.But things are not normal yet as was suggested by the news of Siraha last night where a group of unidentified people kidnapped school headmaster from his residence.There's a long way to go still to politically correct this politically ravaged country.
But as always ,a selfish me, hoping and dreaming for no lines of petrol in the petrol station and 2 cylinders of gases in the "bajeko gas pasal" near by.I am hoping for that much so that morning college goers don't have to escape their early cup of tea.